I don't know how the day's gotten away from me.
I do know that I've spent a fair amount of it talking -- and not saying much.
I often look back over a stretch of time and determine that I've been flapping my lips for no apparent reason. What have I been saying? What have I accomplished, if anything?
Today instead of mining the internet for a poetry prompt, I'm going to open Natalie Goldberg's Writing Down the Bones and see what I get. Shit -- how's this for serendipity? I opened the book to p. 77, "Talk is the Exercise Ground." I mean, shit doesn't get any scarier than this. Here are a few of the assertions Natalie makes in this little chapter: "It is good to talk. Do not be ashamed of it. Talk is the exercise ground for writing." And "Talk is a way writers can help each other find new directions." Finally, "Talk is a way to warm up for the big game -- the hours you write alone with your pen and notebook. Make a list of all the stories you have told over and over. That's a lot of writing to be done."
So my poem for today is going to be a list poem -- a list of all the stories I've told over and over.
(For those of you who've known me for quite a while, this is the "recap" episode of the sit-com, the one where they splice together scenes from a bunch of the season previous because they've run out of ideas.)
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A Few of the Stories I've Told Over and Over
How when Lizzie was born (they unzipped me and pulled her out) her first comment on the world was "eeehhhh" and then silence and her first score on the APGAR test was a four, which is kind of failing
How my dad was actually my stepfather who adopted me and was an anthropologist who put a little chalkboard in the breakfast room on Fuente de Horacio and he'd write on it to make points about culture
How Mom lost Roy when I was not even two and then she married Dad because it was too hard to try to raise me on her own and when they were pulling away from the church she said "slow down" and he slammed on the brakes and said "don't you ever EVER tell me how to drive" and she knew right away she'd made a mistake
How when we lived in Mexico one Saturday I woke up late and Dad said "Come down here I want to show you something" and I followed him out of the house and down the outside steps in my bare feet and pajamas to the maid's room and he went into the bathroom and brought out a bloody bundle of old towel and pulled it aside and there was the blue face of an infant and he said "It's Natalia's, she had it this morning in the bathroom and we never could get her to breathe" and that's how I knew it was a girl and I've never been able to get her face out of my memory or the tiny flecks of her perfect fingernails against that face
How I met Dave twice and each time claimed I didn't know him so he had to go through the introduction all over again and then at the black and white party at Lori's house he walked through the door and I thought damn he's fine and after another blur of champagne I was deeply flirting with him in the kitchen when Steph came in and said "A wants to talk to you" and then later Dave asked "Who's A?" and I said to Steph "What do you call the guy you're" and she said to Dave "A is the guy she's" (and there was a time when I had no trouble saying or writing that verb but today I am ashamed and delete it)
How when we got Willow as a puppy it was really hard, like having another baby again, only we could put her into a kennel for a while when it got too bad, and then at an end of the semester party Cassandra told me "Don't you dare get rid of that dog -- one day I came home from school and my mom told me she'd given our dog away because it was too much work" and then in June I opened my email and found out that Cassandra had been killed and I fell down on the floor crying and a big hole opened up that I wanted to fall through but Willow stretched her puppy body against me on one side and Gunther the old black lab we were sitting stretched his old man dog body against me on the other side and they pressed in against me that way so that I couldn't fall into it
How once we came inside from somewhere when Lizzie was little and Dave said "I want you to" go and take a bath or something I can't remember what and Lizzie said "No" and Dave said "Hey, who's in charge here?" and she said "Mom" without pausing a beat and he laughed and said "That's true but you can't say it out loud like that"
How before we got married and the priest took us through the pre-marriage counseling Dave said "I'll go wherever Laurie gets a job" and the priest said "Won't you go where the best job is?" and he laughed and said "I'll go wherever Laurie gets a job"
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